only one place
Then Saul said to his servants, “Seek for me a woman who is a medium, that I may go to her and inquire of her.” And his servants said to him, “Behold, there is a woman who is a medium at Endor.” Then Saul disguised himself by putting on other clothes, and went, he and 2 men with him, and they came to the woman by night” (1 Samuel 28:7-8)
Saul was at a crossroads. He was going into a major battle and the Lord had left him, he recognised. So he sought help from other places. He consulted a medium, brought up the ghost of Samuel and had his worst fears confirmed: he was going to lose. And God wasn’t with him.
Why would Saul do that? Why would Saul, at the 11th hour of his biggest battle, seek not the help and grace of God, but the aid of a bomoh? Was it shame that stopped him from running to the Father whom he had disappointed so many times before? Was it desperation to find help anywhere, anyhow? Was it numbness to his Father? Was it all of the above?
So many times, we turn to other places for help, for comfort and reassurance. I know I do. I know because of guilt, I don’t feel worthy of his saving grace. Again and again and again. How many times can God rescue, can God forgive, can my Father paper over the many mistakes of his little child? I rather rely on my own indulgences, my responsibilities, my work to save me from my sin, instead of my Saviour.
What God has in abundance is grace. It’s when I feel most unworthy that I am most worthy of His lovingkindness. It’s astounding. It goes against every logic and reactions of this world. What goes around comes around, we’re told. You’ll get what you deserve.
Yet, a gospel is calling out, one that strips us of all arrogance, all independence, all the crutches we hold on to, and simply reduces us to earth. To vessels, Spirit-filled beings touched by the holy love of Christ, who know they are nothing, but with Christ, they are whole.
Why turn then to other places, other sources, when in my state of confusion, the only place to be is in your arms? If only Saul knew your grace was made perfect in his weakness. If only.
Save me Father, according to your lovingkindness. I am wrecked by my strengths, thinking building an empire in my own name is the way to live. I am blessed. And I am yours.I am a jar of clay with treasure from above.
Gracie signore. Grace, grace, grace. Let this child walk in it. Amen.
