fighting with god
“God, you have wasted me totally - me and my family! You’ve shrivelled me like a dried prune, showing the world you’re against me. My gaunt face stares back at me from the mirror, a mute witness to your treatment of me. Your anger tears at me, your teeth rip me to shreds, your eyes burn holes in me. God my enemy! (Job 16:7-9)
Job was going through a traumatic time. Yet, even in his valley moment, his words are shocking and raw. He bares his soul, says God has reduced him to nothing, calls his Creator an enemy. It is a stark, no holds barred, here-I-am proclamation and confession before God. Job is holding nothing back.
My first reaction is much similar to Job’s friends: shush! Job can’t talk to God like that. How can he appear so insolent, so ungrateful, so unbecoming of a child of the Father. Sure, life isn’t great, but suck it up, and continue living.
Yet, the more I read of Job, the more I see a man whose faith overflows. Here was someone who was willing to wrestle with God for an answer, for a voice still, small, assured. Here was a man who hid nothing from Him, who came so shattered, yet so determined to argue with His Creator for a response, for faith’s sake. Job’s cry seems to be: God, you can take my honesty. And I am stripped before you. Now, speak. I’m not going anywhere ‘til you do.
What a man. Such is his commitment to his father. Such is his determination to wrestle. Who does that nowadays? Who comes before Him with such brazen honesty, with such reckless abandon, such an unyielding, fierce expression of the heart? We can’t be bothered to dialogue, let alone fight face-to-face with our Creator. We don’t know how to lie stricken on our knees, heart open, life torn bare and desperate for a word.
Our faith is one that is predicated on leaving our comforts behind. It is based on living like we are known, with nothing to hide and everything to gain. It’s the posture of a child who wants to know and hear the Father’s heart, and who will knock, seek, ask constantly, consistently, unashamedly.
How can I ever come to this place? How can I ever be so bold in my fellowship with Him, so bare and naked before my father? How will I find the strength, courage and confidence to come before Him like Job did, in good or bad or normal times?
I don’t know. I am too scared to even find out, such is my level of mistrust in my father. But He is good, and His mercy endures forever. God loves the broken-hearted, the weak, the flawed. Loves those who will fight for even just crumbs on the table. Such is the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Father, you are love. I look at Job, and I see a child of faith. I’m nowhere near that.
Father, lead me to the place where I can find you. To the Rock that is higher than I. I lay myself before you. May I learn to come before you naked. And to know I am your child. Amen.
