the love journey
“Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.” (Ephesians 5:2)
“Oh just love me and right now! Hold me tight! Just the way your promised.” (Psalm 119:76)
Psalm 119 is really a psalm of courage. It’s the heart of a man who truly, deeply, weakly loves God. Of a man who is so in tune with his failings, and so in need of his presence and input. David is honest about his wanderings, his forgetfulness about the goodness of God. But he shouts his desire to please Him, follow Him, honour Him from the rooftops. It’s bold, for someone who knows he’s not all together whole. This is a man who knows Him, and wants Him more than anything.
Love. It’s been a tough year for that. I’ve come to a point where I feel like I know nothing about love. I mean, I know love never fails, that it is above all, conquers all. But, what is it? The love I thought I saw in those around has proven to be shifting sand. It’s within our grasp, but slips away so easily, leaving us broken, struggling to see any light of love around and within us.
Love has disappointed this year. Or rather, my ideas of love have come crumbling down. Do I have it? Do I know how to love? Both those around me, and my father in heaven? Love feels big. An impossible project. We hurt when love’s not returned. Or can’t deal with it when love appears to be not enough.
Paul writes that when God loves, God really loves. He holds nothing back. His promises ring true into our heart of hearts, no matter how screwed up we are. He gives everything of Himself into this creation, His child. He pours all of Himself into all of us. Not for what we can give to Him. But because God is love.
Maybe to know love is to know what it’s like to be loved. To know that even when we are incapable, we are cherished. That boggles the mind. Because I will disappoint Him. I will fall and prove unworthy of that love. But maybe that’s where it all starts. That when I really, truly, weakly embrace the love of the divine in my life, all will break loose. God’s extravagant love will free me to make equally extravagant proclamations, to be free to live and dance in this love journey. It’s not about how much love I have, for God and others. It’s about truly, fully embracing a love like no other over my life. That grace will set me free. That grace will change my life.
Then slowly, maybe one day, I will approach even just a smidgen of knowing what love is. That I will wake up every morning, and shout His promises like they’re mine, and mine to hold. That this love will pierce the darkness, through sin, in doubts, and prove to be a potent force.
Father, you love me. You love me in my shame, my frailties, my moment of pride and selfishness, my ignorance, when I’m trying to impress. You hold nothing back.
I don’t deserve this love. But you are love. You can’t and won’t help yourself. I am Yours, and nothing can take that away. Neither heights or depths, principalities or powers, darkness or success, can take that away.
Teach me to embrace you as love. Because you first loved me. That’s the love journey. Amen.
