the evil in me
“In the thirty-ninth year of Azariah, King of Judah, Menahem son of Gadi became king over Israel. He ruled from Samaria for ten years. As far as God was concerned he lived an evil life. Sin for sin, he repeated the sins of Jeroboam, son of Nebal, who led Israel into a life of sin.” (2 Kings 15: 17-18)
“You love it when things are right;
You hate it when things are wrong.” (Hebrews 1:9)
Evil reigns in these passages. King after king that ruled over Israel were filled with evil. They ripped open pregnant women, allowed sex-and-religion shrines to flourish, were corrupt, had no communion with God whatsoever. Some met a violent end, others died of old age. It was a wicked time in Israel.
I wonder why God allows evil to reign in our hearts. Why men and women can walk this earth in sin, destroying lives, with wicked intentions. Why we can veer so drastically from peace-loving to evil deeds, why we let our hearts be filled with unforgiveness, murder, hate, selfishness, lust, pride. All marks of a life falling short of the destiny God laid out when we were created in his image. In short Father, why let evil reign in us?
I live in a world full of strife. I see my heart in a conflict of emotions, a whirlpool of great intentions that wants to love God with everything, yet battles against a side that wants to do things my way, God be damned. Sin truly crouches at my door. But that it stands almost in waiting side by side with faithhopelove is what shocks me. Both are just a step away, and my life seems easily swayed by the lure of both.
I can only ask for grace, that sin will not master me. That I won’t miss the mark, but will live in the freedom of a Son. That evil will try to rule, but will be shattered by my Father’s love and redemptive spirit. This is the journey of discovering peace, a peace that surpasses all understanding, a peace that exists even when other voices desire to corrupt it. A peace that comes from being His beloved.
Oh Father. There are days when I can be so evil. Oh Father, forgive forgive. Don’t let evil be my ruler. Purge it with your Spirit.
Let grace reign. Let your Spirit reign. In times of conflict, come and take over. Silence the storm. Let me be loved everyday.
Amen.
