eternity in our hearts
“For what does a man get in all his labour and in his striving with which he labours under the sun? Because all his days, his task is painful and grievous; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is vanity.” (Ecclesiastes 22:22-23)
Vanities, vanities, all is vanity. King Solomon’s wisdom is his curse. He surveys his life and comes to a point where he says everything is meaningless. All is like striving after the wind - not just the pursuit of merri-ness, but even of godliness and good works. All is in vain, futile.
What could possess King Solomon to say this? Here is a man of abundance - not just of wealth and women, but wisdom and even of an intimate relationship with God. He is blessed beyond measure. Yet, he is not content. He is still a pilgrim at heart.
Is all I’m doing vanity? Is what I’m currently doing merely a striving after the wind? Some days, it feels like it. Some days, I wonder what ‘it’ - my job, my hanging outs, my dreams, my passions - what it is all for. My heart always yearns for greatness, but doesn’t know what greatness looks like. No wonder I find so much comfort in day-dreaming. It’s easier to deal with, while I grapple with today.
I guess it’s at this place that a sense of eternity sets in. A sense of something larger, bigger, far greater. A sense of the Spirit moving, re-creating, transforming me as time goes on. There is a time for everything, but many times, I don’t discern what the season is. It’s time to pay attention. To connect to the Source. To tap into what He’s doing in me and the world around me.
But what about my weaknesses? What about a heart that wars against itself? That will always be a part of my journey. But with eternity in my heart, I press on.
I look to Him.
I trust.
Father, you are moving. In ways unimaginable. Yet, you call us to be co-creators, kings and priests of our world. What a privilege - and often I squander it.
You are good and your mercy endures forever. My heart recognises it needs to connect to Your Spirit and purposes. I’m like a stubborn mule - insisting on my own way. But you steer me towards your paths of righteousness.
In times of vanity, let me look to you in prayer. Come Father, make me whole. Amen.
introspection: nudge
When I was in Melbourne, Pastor Tim taught me one way of journalling and examining my inner world. I call it I am, I feel, I see. It has become a really useful tool for introspection, and I use it at times when I have alot to get off my chest.
I am the Distracted One. Many forces strive to pull me in their direction, and often succeed. Not all are for evil. Some are forces of discontentment, while others are forces of lust, covetousness, comfort. But my mind is weak - it accepts my circumstances and often lets it weigh me down. I am a boat with no anchor, pulled to and fro by the waves.
I feel oddly at ease. At the surface, things seem… manageable. Work is none too bad, I’m pursuing side passions, new friends. Somehow, everything’s within control.
And yet, I feel a bubbling of questions. Maybe it’s sparked by other’s uncertainty, or my own restless heart. But I feel like there should be something more. Is this it for me? Am I happy with who I’ve become? What’s the next stage of my life? The next step? Is it soon? Or some distance away? These questions aren’t gnawing at me, but like a dormant volcano, there is a sense they are at work, colliding, teasing, starting to rise into a place of wrestling.
I see a God who challenges. A God who tests. A God who dares me to explore His great will. Maybe he’s merely nudging me - not so much into doing more stuff, but into digging deep into introspection. Into asking the hard questions. Into living bigger than I am now. He’s never satisfied, always persevering in hope, rejoicing in the man I can and could be. I just need to understand it, believe it, live it. Live the life of faith, hope, love.
Father, thank you. For always reminding me about the core of life - loving you, loving others. You’re renewing me Lord every day. It’s whether I avail myself to your re-creation.
Renew my mind Lord. Take this Distracted One and turn him into something beautiful. A spark of Life. Invade my comfort, use my discontent. Let your will be done on earth as in heaven. Amen.
complacent no more
“So they shall eat the fruit of their own way
And be satisfied with their own devices.
For the waywardness of the naive will kill them,
and the complacency of fools will destroy them.
But he who listens to me shall live securely.
And will be at ease from the dread of evil.” (Proverbs 1:31-33)
“I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” (Romans 7:18)
The way of the flesh and the way of Christ. Paul struggles with both directions, and both are like anchors weighing on either side. Sin, it seems, takes hold of Paul time and time again. It leads to distraction, oh, how it pulls him apart with its allure.
I understand his plight. But I’m also a little frightened. The God of Proverbs seems to be one who lacks patience. Who turns away when you refuse His guidance. Who allows ignorance to seep through my spirit, left to my own devices, never sensing His presence.
Why? Why let this child do childish things?
Maybe it’s because left to our own devices, we realise the smallness of our actions. We realise how feeble are our attempts for control. We see how much we lack for faith, how little love and strength we have to make it through a day. To see the power of sin, of missing everything God has in store for us.
I see it in myself. I see how I wallow in my own excrement of my doing. How tired my heart can get, how incapable I am of loving others as I love myself. I’m so small when left to myself. So satisfied at my comfort zone, yet so bitterly unsatisfied at what I could be. What God could make me.
Life is too long a journey,
too arduous in its steps,
too murky to fully grasp,
for me to do it all by myself.
Help me Father. I come to you as a child, I fail, and fail, and fail yet again. Yet, I always think I can do it on my own. I can’t Lord. Sin is too much for me to bear. It’s Yours to wash away.
Come Father, and make me whole. Wipe away the ignorance, the complacency, the waywardness. Restore sight to my blindness. Sensitivity to my numbness. Let Your light shine.
You are grace-full. Holy. Righteous. I am available. Amen.
taking refuge
“But as for me, I shall sing of your strength;
Yes, I shall joyfully sing of your lovingkindness in the morning,
for you have been my stronghold
and a refuge in the day of distress” (Psalm 59:16)
Such confidence in the face of such peril. Here David was, running for his life. The man he thought was for him - Saul - was against him. And he had no home. Yet, in the midst of his enemies, David sings of God’s strength. His lovingkindness. His triumph.
Such confidence!
It’s something so rare today - a man who knows where to go for refuge. Because life always deals us trouble, always puts us face-to-face with our biggest fears, our most hated enemies. You just can’t escape their teeth, their ill-will, their lies. Yet, I see how many of us are conquered by our demons, allow them to tear into us, reducing us into men and women with no foundation, a low sense of identity.
That’s my biggest sin. I don’t stand steadfast when the enemy comes in like a flood. I allow myself to be bowled over, and I lose. But why? Why, when I can call Abba my stronghold? When lovingkindness awaits in the morning? When strength is a gift from God and a song worth singing?
How I must return to God my Refuge. When my worst fears howl around me like a hungry wolf looking for a carcass, I can say, “I’m His.” I’m strong. I’m confident. But not by might, not by power, but by His Spirit.
God in His grace and mercy will meet me. He will give me strength.
Oh Lord. Today, fears swirl around me, threatening to capture my heart. But to you Lord I look, as a Refuge, I take solace there.
May I always learn to sing a song of your strength, even when it’s painful. To know how to take refuge in you, when I need protection. For your grace is enough Oh Lord. It’s more than enough.
Hallelujah. Amen.
leadership in a civil war
“In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes.” (Judges 21:25)
A civil war tore apart Israel. Brother fought brother, sister against sister. Such brutality, hated, vengeance. But the last verse ties everything together well: there was no king. No ruler. No one to govern the land, to bring order and leadership. Everyone did as they saw fit.
Such a true statement for our world today. A world that lacks a king, a people that refuses to be governed. It’s no wonder they fall in miry pits after miry pits, lacking leadership and slowly discovering their plans and ways are flawed.
I see it in my life too. Inside, I am a civil war. God’s leadership over me is faint, barely being tapped into. I see the result of my own hands leading me on. It’s so selfish, often depressed, always lost. It’s alluring to think I can live life according to my whims, fancies and rules. But I’m so easily blown away without God’s leadership. Without a king to rule my heart.
All I can ask, is for God to manifest His Resurrection power in this jar of clay, and lead. In times I’m crushed, broken, afflicted, I must remember it’s not a bad place to be. It’s a place I need to search for my King, and let Him set the rules. Let Him restore order. Let Him bring the civil war in my heart to a halt. Life, His way.
Father, I am lawless. I often go after many distractions, and lack leadership. Steer me O God. Steer me down a path of righteousness and freedom. Come and fill this jar of clay with your light.
Lead me Father. May your leadership be something I seek for everyday. Amen.
